I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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