Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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