I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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