Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
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I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
we should paint friendship bongs
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