you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
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I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
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The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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