Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
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Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
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Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
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