Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize