OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize