Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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