This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize