You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
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Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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