Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
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No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
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