It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
God I need to hump something, right now.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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