He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
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I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
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Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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