I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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