According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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