He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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