Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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