you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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