last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize