I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I see more hoeing in ur future
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