I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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