She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize