I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize