I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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