Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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