We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
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I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
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laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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