Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize