I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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