I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
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So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
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WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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