yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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