Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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