My first STD was from a foam party
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
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She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
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Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
God, I missed his penis.
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