she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
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Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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