im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize