I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
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I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
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Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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