I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
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end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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