he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
where are my eyebrows?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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