At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
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