i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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