??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize