Your mouth is God's brothel.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize