We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize