I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
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I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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