1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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