I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
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It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
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this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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