i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize