Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
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I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
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Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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