I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Shame - the story of my life.
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