no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
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Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
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Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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