Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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